Bursting to write

September 28 2012

I need to write so badly I feel like I could burst. I’ve felt this way all day and now I’m finally getting to it. I feel like I could write all night.

I watched “Most Exotic Marigold Hotel” with Moreen, more to share something with her rather than me being entertained. I could so easily come into my room and start writing after dinner, but must take the dogs for a walk, play with them, toss them little cookies, pet them, generally be their friend. Misty accompanied me to the barber this morning, where her leash was tied to an unused chair. I had my hair cut quite dramatically because I didn’t want to hide the fact that I was balding. My receding hairline is becoming more pronounced and the back and sides of what will be left has been pretty obvious, at least to me. I do have lots of hair on the top of my head, but every day it gets less and less. I should just take my picture and put it in here.

I wrote to Harry Hirsch tonight. He and I dated 25 years ago. The accompanying note went to him at Oberlin College where he is a professor. I didn’t tell him this but he was really the only man I have ever truly loved. I’ve had many relationships since then, not right now but that’s okay.

Dan at MCC talked about wanting to go to the baths and I asked him if he wanted a companion I’d be happy to go with him. But the truth is I have no desire to go to the baths. I’m embarrassed by the mod. I am also taking Prozac, 80 mg, the most you can take, for depression. The side effect is that I have no libido. So as much as I might look at porn and have fantasies, that’s about as far as it goes. I didn’t give Dan a contact number or email yet, and hopefully won’t have to, unless he asks for it.

To get away with anyone is difficult because my life is so full with Misty, Penny, and Moreen. I go to work and am totally wasted and need to take a nap either before or after dinner before I can do anything else in the evening.